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I have not imbibed a diphenhydramine cocktail lately and am still here. - The Second Greatest Failure of Omnipotence
2010-10-04 09:37 am
I have not imbibed a diphenhydramine cocktail lately and am still here.

 I've endeavored to reread every last entry I've posted on this journal.  This isn't so much because of a self-deprecatory desire to see how much effort I used to put into writing--my wrath isn't nearly so entertaining these days, since I've calmed down and become relatively sane--so much as an amelioration to the perplexity I have towards the person I used to be.  I simply do not know the person who wrote this journal.

Or maybe, like most human beings, I didn't learn my lesson the first time; I wish I was still fucking crazy.

Edit: The good news is that I do not wish I was as stupid as I used to be in high school.

Edit 2: The bad news is that I've apparently made this exact same post no fewer than 37 times in my Livejournal career, and I don't remember any of them. Will try to insert more self-referential, deprecatory humor to better differentiate this post from...

...shit. Did that, too.

Edit 3: Dear Jesusfuckingcocaine-a-holic, was I that stupid? Why didn't any of you fucks tell me?

Edit 4: Wait. You people made friends with me? Were you retarded?

Edit 5: Attempts to comment to my past self to repair fatal idiocy have proven ineffective, probably because I lack a sonic screwdriver.

Edit 6: As it turns out, Mike/trippynickel was a hell of a lot smarter than I ever was.

Edit 7: Is it possible to travel back through time and punch the everloving shit out of one's constantly flapping maw even without the aid of a sonic screwdriver? I'm sure assaulting myself in the past would lead to far less half-witted bumbling and confused psychological development than my own unmolested ignorance would.

Edit 8: No! Nooooo!!! Don't tell that girl that you think Korn is interesting and original! Don't do it!

Edit 9: You did it, didn't you? ENJOY THE NEXT 4 YEARS OF HANDICAPPED SOCIABILITY, YOU SHIT-SLURPING RETARD.

Edit 9.5: Your comic idea was pretty good. Too bad you forgot how to draw, LOL NEWB!

Edit 9.5 II: The Sequel Subtitling: Also, does anyone know what my obsession with monkeys on anabolic steroids was about? Fuck if I remember. I think I thought it was funny...

Edit 10: Experiment to reread all of my old LJ posts has been abandoned midway through post #3. Too depressing. Going to go beat the shit out of some high school kids who are wearing black and carrying backpacks with too many books in them in the hopes it will do some good. My guttural screeches of, "Not me! NOT ME!!!" during said injurious beatings will likely not confuse them at all because they will no doubt be as intelligent as I was back--

FUCK.

27CommentReplyShare

nullcherri
nullcherri
booooooooooo
2010-10-04 06:03 pm (UTC)

1. no one is left here on LJ not even me
2. wait this isn't facebook where am i


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phoenix_blade
phoenix_blade
Of the ill-washed winds, light burns.
2010-10-04 06:07 pm (UTC)

Facebook's character limit is the bane of my bloated literary existence. I tried beating a child to death with a paper shredder I had handy for use in semi-ironic innocent-bludgeonings, but the character limit still remains.


ReplyThread Parent
nullcherri
nullcherri
booooooooooo
2010-10-05 04:05 am (UTC)

well on tumblr you can REPOST


ReplyThread Parent
nullcherri
nullcherri
booooooooooo
2010-10-05 04:05 am (UTC)

well on tumblr you can REPOST


ReplyThread Parent
nullcherri
nullcherri
booooooooooo
2010-10-05 04:05 am (UTC)

well on tumblr you can REPOST


ReplyThread Parent
angriest_girl
angriest_girl
Sunny Piper, Girl Reporter
2010-10-05 08:03 am (UTC)

Yes, Facebook isn't really your medium, is it? Twitter must really do your head in.


ReplyThread Parent
phoenix_blade
phoenix_blade
Of the ill-washed winds, light burns.
2010-10-05 11:58 pm (UTC)

I've already forsaken my soul to the instant gratification that Facebook represents. I'll be damned if I sacrifice my gonads for Twitter.


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nullcherri
nullcherri
booooooooooo
2010-10-05 02:04 pm (UTC)

like!


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lady_kas
lady_kas
Kas
2010-10-04 09:41 pm (UTC)

I read your LJ to learn big words.


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phoenix_blade
phoenix_blade
Of the ill-washed winds, light burns.
2010-10-06 12:01 am (UTC)

I read my LJ to remember big words.


ReplyThread Parent
matrixx
matrixx
Aardvark of Justice!
2010-10-05 12:07 am (UTC)

These are my boobs.


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phoenix_blade
phoenix_blade
Of the ill-washed winds, light burns.
2010-10-06 12:02 am (UTC)

I call fake.

Ass > boobs, anyway.


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matrixx
matrixx
Aardvark of Justice!
2010-10-06 12:38 am (UTC)

Not when you're in your 30s and have had three kids, I'm afraid.


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phoenix_blade
phoenix_blade
Of the ill-washed winds, light burns.
2010-10-06 12:04 am (UTC)

Given my propensity for inebriation, mentioning that you attend 12 step meetings in my presence will only make me dangle delicious, delicious addictive substances over your head while I cackle at the ludicrousness of both of our numerous flaws.


ReplyThread Parent
mengus
mengus
That Rustbelt Ruffian
2010-10-05 04:14 am (UTC)

I read and enjoyed this post. Do it more often.


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phoenix_blade
phoenix_blade
Of the ill-washed winds, light burns.
2010-10-06 12:08 am (UTC)

Over half of the posts I've made are apparently self-deprecatory rants about my past selves' innumerable failures. My inability to take those types of posts seriously anymore are a large part of why I never update LJ anymore.

However, for the sake of fairness, I will go get drunk and dick an ugly girl so that my reserves of regret are properly primed for future LJ posts.


ReplyThread Parent

phoenix_blade
phoenix_blade
Of the ill-washed winds, light burns.
2010-10-06 12:09 am (UTC)

Plus you probably had a pimple on your face, which is so embarrassing!

(Just not as embarrassing as your face.)


ReplyThread Parent
angriest_girl
angriest_girl
Sunny Piper, Girl Reporter
2010-10-05 08:02 am (UTC)

Oh man, I would diiiiiie if I read back on my old drivel. I tried to read an old diary once that I'd written when I was about 18 and the embarrassment burned me so much I thought I was going to self-combust. Couldn't get past the first couple of pages. And then I tore it into teeny pieces so that even if I died, no one else could read it and laugh at me.


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phoenix_blade
phoenix_blade
Of the ill-washed winds, light burns.
2010-10-06 12:17 am (UTC)

That's alright. Not even I have the intestinal fortitude to hunt down the tripe I wrote before I joined the internet. I just vaguely remember that it involved being depressed about lacking testicles because I couldn't pick up a girl I liked, and also really, really bad anti-religious poetry.

Funny story, though: This post was originally "serious" until I actually started rereading my old posts. The edits aren't contrived, they're the minute-by-minute reaction I had as I actually tried reading some of my older entries.


ReplyThread Parent
mortimer_ford
mortimer_ford
Mortimer Ford
2010-10-06 04:47 pm (UTC)

If your words cannot exceed your grasp you cannot grow. This is what I tell myself when an old scrap of pretention slaps me redfaced. It doesn't help.


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phoenix_blade
phoenix_blade
Of the ill-washed winds, light burns.
2010-10-07 01:46 pm (UTC)

I live more by the rule of, "If your cogency does not exceed your inebriation, drink until you no longer realize it."


ReplyThread Parent
red_qat
red_qat
Qat
2011-09-24 12:09 am (UTC)

Where was the picture in your userinfo taken? It's absolutely beautiful.


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phoenix_blade
phoenix_blade
Of the ill-washed winds, light burns.
2011-10-23 01:06 pm (UTC)

Sorry for the late response. I'm never on LJ anymore, and I just assume any new comments are really Russian spammers and so I delete the notifications from my inbox immediately. The user info pic was taken in California several years back after the wildfires had burned through several areas of the state. It was taken by nullcherri.

It really is utterly sublime. My most dear example of Photography in existence.


ReplyThread Parent
psycho_muppet
psycho_muppet
Sardonic Stylings of a Woman Bored
2011-11-16 05:10 pm (UTC)

"Edit 4: Wait. You people made friends with me? Were you retarded?"

Yes.

"Edit 10: Experiment to reread all of my old LJ posts has been abandoned midway through post #3. Too depressing. Going to go beat the shit out of some high school kids who are wearing black and carrying backpacks with too many books in them in the hopes it will do some good. My guttural screeches of, "Not me! NOT ME!!!" during said injurious beatings will likely not confuse them at all because they will no doubt be as intelligent as I was back--"

Same.

Honestly LJ is a guilty pleasure where you can spill your guts to people that don't know all your Bus-i-ness and actually like you for a good half to three-quarters of your personality alone. Pics = extra. Pics?


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phoenix_blade
phoenix_blade
Of the ill-washed winds, light burns.
2012-02-21 10:12 pm (UTC)

I just figured LJ liked me because I was an ass that used to use big words, but I'm fashionably late to your comment (by several months) and you have me on facebook, anyway.

Pics = more of me talking about politics? Or just pics? Facebook always deletes my best pics. :(

Don't worry, Teeg, you were not, in the least, retarded. And if you don't like the name "Teeg" I will disavow any knowledge of your existence, because (a) your full name is pretty awesome, and (b) my nickname for your full name is not awesome but I stake my ego upon my choice nonetheless.

But really, we should talk on facebook, not here, because I only log in here once every half a year, compared to once every half a month on facebook.

I hate Facebook. So much.


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rachel_nicole
rachel_nicole
I was wrong, it's all my fault.
2012-01-13 05:03 pm (UTC)

Remember me? LOL I did what you did recently and read most of my journal. My how things are different. I can't even believe I wrote half the things I did! Anyway, I saw a comment from you and remember you very well! Hope things are alright with you my friend.


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phoenix_blade
phoenix_blade
Of the ill-washed winds, light burns.
2012-02-21 09:54 pm (UTC)

Of course I remember you. We always used to argue because I was a vitriolic ass, and then we didn't argue. After that, you were fairly fun to be around. (But I was, uh, still an asshole.)

Don't worry, you weren't forgotten, and I'm actually a bit glad you still remember me. Everything is, finally, alright with me, and I hope you finally found a bit of happiness for yourself.

But really, what has it been? 4-5 years? How're you doing? Last time we spoke I was in a much different place, psychologically, than I am now, so it'd be good to hear how you're doing. If you don't feel comfortable messaging me on LJ, just lemme know and I'll give you my email so that Russian hackers won't spam you with random links.

To be honest, didn't even know that LJ was still around until you messaged me.


ReplyThread Parent